Finding MY Hat

The past few weeks I have been struggling with a few decisions.  These are not little decisions, but rather large ones.... maybe I shouldn't blog about them, but it isn't anything that I haven't already discussed with some of you.  And sometimes it takes me writing it down and reading it in a few days to say to myself, "Kel, why were your worrying about that.... it wasn't THAT major."
I guess my biggest decision is figuring out if I will be sending Carson to preschool in the Fall.  I was totally on board with it a year ago, but he wasn't old enough then.  Since then, he has grown so much and I am doing so much for him that I debate on sending him.  Here are a few of my plus' and minus'

Reasons to Send him
* Lets face it, HE WILL LOVE IT
* Building Social Skills
* Giving us some time apart and him learning to take authority from others
* Preparing for real school
* Bonding time for Baby and I
* Feeling guilty that I have no time to spend with him because I am taking care of the baby and that he needs some "big boy" playtime and not just, "helping Mommy with the baby" time
Reasons not to Send him
* Conflict of Baby due and school starts in the same month (would I miss his first day of school?)
* Him feeling "Oh Mommy has a new baby so she is shipping me to school"
* Getting him to school with a newborn in hand too
* He would get 2 years of Preschool then start Kindergarten..... is this necessary? I don't think I even when to one year of Preschool and I was a "blue star" (highest level) in reading and math during school!
* I'm a stay at home Mom, why should I send him to school when he is 3, when I have been very successful in teaching him myself.  Why let someone else take the credit for things I should be doing?  I mean this is my job right, since I am not working.... why ship him off so early?
* When he is in first grade will I look back and think, "Look at that time I could of spent with him (since I wasn't working) and I chose for MY BABY to be taught by someone else (when I am easily qualified to teach these things)
* He does get a lot of social interaction..... we go to the reading bus, library, parks, playdates, community pool, church etc.  And I do make sure that I take a step back when in these public places so he can learn how to talk to friends and do things on his own.  I step in only when I feel is necessary.

Do I sound selfish?  Typing it all does sound selfish.  I know he will enjoy it, and it is only 2 days a week for 4 hours!!!!  Come on Kel, is what everyone is saying..... but the truth in it all is that I have to figure out which "Hat is mine, and which one I can pass off to someone else."  I was told this in church this week and it really hit home to me.  Pastor said that us women wear many hats and we are constantly changing them.... every now and then it is good to take a step back and make sure they are still OUR hats that we are not wearing our friends or families hats.  I took this as, making sure we are not doing things for them or acting how they would so they are proud of us.  I have to make sure this is my decision!
Another thing, I am sure a lot of this stems from the baby growing inside me and knowing that I will have another shortly... I can't believe Carson has grown so much, I feel like I just want to cherish this time because soon he will be even bigger!  But I also need some time with the new baby, she will grow even faster and I need to cherish her newborn stage!!!  Geez, see why this is so hard for me right now!!!
"Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world."  ~Anso Coetzer